I lacked a sense of inherent worth, so I filled my life with superficial possessions that helped me feel important and whole.

I justified that my corporate job paid well and that I worked hard and deserved beautiful things. Denial shaded my awareness of over-attachment. I was blind to the physical and emotional weight.

My husband wrote me an email from his cubical viciously detailing years of resentment and his desire for a divorce.

I read the words as if they were a fictional story. Denial was my immediate defense.

I thought I could fix it and move on with our seemingly successful charade. And yet, he wouldn’t let me. He refused to speak to me or see me. He was done.

My holistic presence and awareness are vastly different now than when I first came to my mat. And yet I was curious how I would feel in my emotional core from a consistent daily practice. I wondered how my body would respond and if I would experience any significant or subtle changes. What other benefits would arise that I wasn’t even aware of? The results are fascinating.

For the majority of my life, I’ve been a doer. A list maker. A person who accomplishes. It was often a character asset and contributed significantly to my career success.

As an only child, I conjured up activities to keep busy. Busy in the sense of 9-year-old projects, bustles, and schemes.

Some seemingly important duties like laundry or figuring out how to make a semblance of a meal.

My Aunt Dalene, DeDe, as I called her, was a gem of a lady. My heart smiles, thinking of her.

She cultivated joy and laughter and allowed me to feel seen and heard. DeDe loved me when I felt invisible and taught me more than she’ll ever know.

This was the woman that allowed my tender adolescent soul to be recognized when I mostly felt ignored.