Loosening the Grip on My Addiction to Certainty

Using presence to find peace

Photo by Amanda Frank on Unsplash

The missing piece I’ve found is staying present in today. Being here now, that I may soak in the gifts each moment brings.

I find when I stay here — stay in today — I feel calm and light. Less anxious and fearful. When I see, really see my surroundings. Feel, really feel the emotions as they swirl in my body and listen with sincerity to what they need — then happiness abounds.

There is an arbitrary date on the calendar sixteen months away that I’ve given my power to. I’ve surrendered my serenity to a far-off date that has no real meaning in the grand scheme of life.

The date can be changed. The date is important, but the consequences are not grave. And yet, my mind inserted a dramatic story and attached a narrative that I’m complicit in following.

I am the creator and perpetuator of my suffering.

There are many times in my life when I gained positive motivation from outside sources.

People I feel accountable to, events, and scheduled occurrences spur action and encourage focus. I want to achieve a goal or manifest an outcome, and others, whether they know it or not, assist me in doing so.

The challenge arises when I lose the line of moderation.

When I create rigid expectations or place an abundance of meaning on something outside of myself, I create overwhelm.

My next move is typically to either incessantly do and use busyness as an avoidance tactic or freeze in fear. Unable to stay in the present moment or make a decision, I shut down. Power off. Disconnected from myself and my higher presence.

When my mind replays the grandiose story I’ve created over and over, my only practical action is to be still and breathe. Inhale. Exhale. Inhale. Exhale.

In stillness, my ego and its ever-present determination can stop churning for a few moments and rest.

In this respite lies wisdom and grace.

Following my breath allows my nervous system to reset — to calm and feel safe. Returning to myself provides the space needed to see, feel, and know in the depths of my bones that I have other healthy choices in my arsenal to consider.

My temporary disillusionment fades as options arise and my spirit lifts.

. . .

Life never ceases to challenge me through the days of simply living in this tumultuous world. I’m cognizant of the emotional heaviness that carrying trauma weighs on my consciousness.

My opportunity is to have self-awareness when I’ve created an unrealistic expectation or a fantasy story where I’m hyper-focused on the outcome.

Outcomes kill potential and possibility.

Outcomes kill desire.

When I’m too focused on outcomes, when I’m too busy trying to control the results, I miss the gifts of today and the richness of happiness that comes from being present.

There are few aspects of life that I can control. My outlook. My attitude. My perspective. I can choose the chaos of darkness or choose to surrender my will to the light.

When I’m able to ease away from my gripping addiction to certainty and be still, the calm, quiet voice of my true self shines through.

This voice reminds me who I am, why I’m here, and to unabashedly follow the desirous whispers of my heart.

. . .

Rebecca Murauskas is a Life Coach for professionals. She helps people be free of stress and overwhelm, reclaim their purpose, and feel fulfilled. Rebecca and her husband, Adam, abandoned their careers and moved to Panamá in 2019 to pursue passions for helping people heal. Take the free Time Saver Quiz and find additional content at RebeccaMurauskas.com.