I’d spent my entire life caught up in the hustle. Feeling compelled to prove my worth, to earn respect, to earn love. Always busy. Always doing.

I’d made a great deal of progress in therapy and recovery rooms. I’d worked my steps and grew self-awareness, self-compassion, and acceptance. In many aspects of my life, I was “better.” I’d learned to surrender.

I’ve found that when I’m stuck and unsure how to move forward, there’s always another way that I’m not thinking about or present to — maybe not necessarily a way out, but through.

The key is coming back to yourself. To pause and allow your mind and body to relax enough for the answers to present themselves.

December tends to be the most stressful, busiest month of the year. It's the time when we're torn between our personal commitments and priorities and going hard at work to finish strong on the year's goals, projects, and sales.

And while we may really want it to be the most wonderful time of the year, our to-do lists overflow with expectations and obligations, causing time stress, overwhelm, and frustration.

Surely, I thought, there’s gotta be other options for how I’m spending my time, talents, and energy. I daydreamed of starting my own business. Sharing stories of my journey. Helping others.

Yet, newly married with a mortgage, car payment, aging pets, and a shit load of fear, could I really walk away from my “good job” to launch an entrepreneurial passion project?

After the photo, Seth casually turned to me and said something expectant like, “How are you?” He looked directly into my eyes with a look of genuine sincerity to hear my response, and I froze.

I felt like a lost child standing in front of a wise guru. Tears instantly streamed down my face, and I melted into a soggy heap of overwhelm.

My opportunity is to have self-awareness when I’ve created an unrealistic expectation or a fantasy story where I’m hyper-focused on the outcome.

Outcomes kill potential and possibility. Outcomes kill desire.

Jessica grew into a fiery, curly-haired force overflowing with a lovely combination of sass and grace. She took to the arts and taught herself to draw, paint, and make comic books. I cherished her drawings and cards, and to this day, I still have one of her elementary school projects tacked up on our fridge.

I missed a lot of my sister’s formative years.

A year ago, I quit my job, sold a bunch of my stuff, and moved to Panama. What was, by far, the hardest decision of my life was also unbelievably liberating.

My husband and I were ready for professional changes. We dreamed of launching our own ventures, but couldn’t afford to live in our hometown and not get paid.

My mind tends to teeter between past regrets and the potential of the future. It’s easy for me to get tangled.

Vivid mental scenes arise out of seemingly nowhere — moments where I question both my actions and choices of inaction. Like somehow, if I think about it a bit more, I can change what occurred.