In A Year That Felt Like A Waste, I Actually Got A Lot Done
Unique triumphs that were hiding in the haze
Photo by Paige Cody on Unsplash
In a year poised with cliches of vision and prosperity, it simultaneously felt like time flew by and also painstakingly dripped like an annoying, leaky faucet.
I and the best psychics and fortune-tellers certainly didn’t see 2020 playing out this way.
Days ran together in a monotonous manner. The only difference was if I put shoes on to leave the house. I often awoke in the not quite light out morning thinking, is it Tuesday or Friday?
Didn’t matter. Every day was groundhog day.
I started the year with lofty goals and aspirations. I had big ideas to launch my writing, nurture seeds of personal growth, and make a difference.
Fitting to my nature, I devised a plan full of a wide range of actions. Develop a daily writing habit. Read these books. Learn these digital tools. Ask these people for mentorship and advice. Go, go, go. The world is my oyster.
And yet, when time seemed to stand still, all my hopeful vigor quickly waned — overtaken by a yearning to nap ’til Christmas.
Justification of Time
It’s officially Fall, and today, there are 100 days left in the year.
When I think about this number, it triple-dog dares me to do something great. It challenges my ongoing fascination with productivity and eggs me onward to make an impact.
My familiar mental chatter of judgment and anxiety quickly arise and whisper, What are you gonna do? How are you gonna make the most of this time?
In 100 days, I could do so much. Of course, when future time is presented, the possibilities are limitless. I could:
Write a book
Narrate my articles and start a podcast
Take a workshop on email marketing
Read three or four novels from my ever-growing reading list
Strengthen my Spanish skills or finally perfect the yogic plow pose that seems to evade me
My tendency is to think about action. I can easily reach for projects, duties, and tasks to justify my time.
Something tangible I can see, track, and do. SMART goals are branded into my brain from too much time at a corporate desk.
Tasks I can write down for the pure satisfaction of crossing them off the list. Check — I can say I did that.
The Never-Ending Year
As the calendar shifts to fall and the year begins to fade, I have to remind myself that while the dates may have changed, so much of the days remain the same.
It’s still precarious to be outside my home, interact with friends, or do many things I previously took for granted. Regardless of my impatience and petty annoyance, this virus isn’t through.
Learning to live, work, and play from home has had the heaviest impact. I’m a social creature and feed off the energy of others. I crave authentic deep, and meaningful conversations where a genuine connection may shine through.
I love structure and routines, yet I also yearn for variety. Too much of anything gets old after a while. When I found myself feeling angst about my daily self-care routines of mediation, yoga, and journaling, I knew I needed to make a change.
I’ve had to be intentional, being mindful of my attitude, level of tiredness, and at times a sense of despondency that tends to show up as indifference.
Most significantly, this year has been emotionally taxing, draining my intentions of productivity and hopes of illustrious achievements.
Choices
I’ve come to accept the state of the world. We are back on speaking terms with half-smiles and pleasantries.
As I think about the 100 days left in the year, the voices in my head encourage me to accomplish goals, start a new project, or do something amazing, so I have a story to tell. Yet, I know it’s all ego, missing a realistic sense of moderation.
What I know to be true is no matter what day it is, I have choices. I can choose to spend my time, talents, and energy on action or inaction. In these times, both are equally important for my mental health, well-being, and professional development.
Looking at the calendar, my insatiable ego pushes me into a mindset of scarcity and urgency. Whereas my growing emotional intelligence gently pulls me back into balance and grace.
Unwrapping the Gift
This year overflowed with trials and turbulence that seemed to test my every step.
Yet, when I reflect with an open mind, I’m pleasantly surprised by what I find. While the mechanics, logistics, and blurred boundaries of time looked drastically different from my typical cadence, I still accomplished the goals that I set at the beginning of the year.
Just sharing these words on the page causes a visceral reaction in my body. Candidly, I’m shocked and also beaming with excitement.
I started the year with a handful of broad-brush intentions that were loosely defined — a mixture of structure and free flow. While this flexibility was missing in my previous annual goals, it foreshadowed what would be exactly what I needed.
Despite the emotional rollercoaster, I still got a lot done. I set an intention, and the universe conspired to help me learn and grow.
Let’s take a look.
Develop a Writing Habit
In the spring, I took a Seth Godin and Bernadette Jiwa Story Skills Workshop that was the official start of my daily writing habit. The workshop both challenged and supported me in solidifying my commitment to writing.
Read
It has been an excellent time to reread favorites and stretch into new genres of craft books, memoirs, and novels in both fiction and non-fiction. I never thought I’d read a story about the Greek war, but when Steven Pressfield whispered in my ear, I paid attention.
Choose Digital Tools
Selecting new digital tools to help me build an audience and share my message felt daunting. I was overwhelmed with the plethora of options and conflicting advice. When I got clear on my immediate needs and the foreseeable future, it gave me the confidence to choose and dive into learning.
Find Mentors
When anything is new, it’s clunky and scary. I’ve worked for businesses of all sizes, and now, working for myself, unique obstacles and opportunities arise. I knew better than to go it alone. Finding a tribe of writers and writing coaches and scheduling regular check-ins has been my saving grace. In an arena that’s mainly an individual sport, I find writing in a community to be richly rewarding.
Wrapping it Up
If I can accidentally hit my targets amid these turbulent times, the future possibilities are immense.
In these last 100 days of 2020, instead of fixating on the calendar or the potential for achievements, I’m recommitting to being present and prioritizing my time — knowing when to work, rest and play.
Moderation often evades me when I’m in the thick of things. Putting work down to do a yoga class, go for a walk, or cook a delicious meal benefits my holistic health and brings me back to the work reenergized.
What are you grateful for when you reflect on the year, outside of the tremendous stress and strife?
What triumphs are hiding under the haze?
Accomplishments may be defined differently this year. We have an opportunity to celebrate their uniqueness. You may surprise yourself as you unpack the success under the tedious repetition of routines.
In the last 100 days of the year, where might you give yourself grace?
In a world hyper-focused on achievement, how can you recommit to a balance between striving and self-care?
It may be that you’re doing much better than you think.
I usually am, too.
. . .
Rebecca Murauskas is a high-performance Life Coach. She helps people be free of stress and overwhelm, reclaim their purpose, and feel fulfilled. Rebecca and her husband, Adam, abandoned their careers and moved to Panamá in 2019 to pursue passions for helping people heal. Take the free Time Saver Quiz and find additional content at RebeccaMurauskas.com.